I sat on the couch across from my therapist as she told me, “You’ve self assessed at a level of severe; you scored a 31 out of 35.”

I had to start to face the reality of the seriousness of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I was dealing with. At 19-years-old I was incapacitated and hardly able to live a normal life despite just how well I was trying to hide my disorder. It wasn’t my first diagnosis I had been treated for. I had been dealing with depression and generalized anxiety for most of my formative years.

 I began an intensive treatment program with an OCD specialist and did what I could to learn to manage a lifelong disorder. I had to get it under control so I could move out of my parents’ house and live with roommates and finish college. After months of treatment I finally moved out and into an apartment in a new state with five other girls.

 As I did my best to cope with the debilitating anxiety, I turned to running. I started with just a two mile out and back, a brief respite where my mind could get into a meditative trance. I didn’t realize it at the time, but running was my meditation and I was reaping the rewards of running as meditation, which helped me deal with the struggles of daily life with OCD.

 I loved the endorphins; I loved the tranquil mind that followed a run; I felt released of irritation and stress after my runs; I started to gain the self-confidence to overcome my limitations and break barriers; I enjoyed present-moment awareness. I used running as a therapeutic tool to work through obsessive thoughts and to stop or replace some compulsions. It wore me out physically and helped me focus the little hamster on the wheel in my brain.  I was controlling it, instead of it controlling me.

 Two miles turned into a five-mile loop, which then eventually turned into ten miles. I was turning into a runner and I started to set running goals for myself. This is where my faith really developed.

 I had faith in myself to overcome my illness and faith in myself to accomplish the goals I set. According to LDS.org, “Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever we work towards a worthy goal, we exercise faith. We show our hope for something that we cannot yet see.”

 Each run I went on was an exercise of my faith that I could lead a healthy and well-adjusted life. After I set the goal of running a marathon, each training run I went on was an exercise in faith that I could complete a marathon (something I could not yet see myself doing – because let’s face it, 26.2 miles is a lot of miles).

 I completed my first marathon and got hooked on distance running. The energy of being part of something so much bigger than myself and being part of a community of individuals with the same goal was magical and helped fill my human desire to find meaning, purpose and significance in my life.

 Running is my religion in many ways. Running doesn’t judge me. It doesn’t ask anything of me other than what I can give each day. I lace up my shoes for miles of worship and running provides. Some of my deepest spiritual experiences have come while running. I’ve always struggled with traditional ways of praying – sitting still, folding my arms, closing my eyes, bowing my head. It just doesn’t work for me. Instead, I can commune with the divine while I’m out running. My body is occupied and my mind is able to focus and my soul connects with God. I can talk to God and He can talk to me as I listen. My body is occupied, I’m not distracted by obsessions or compulsions, I’m free to just connect with my Higher Power and appreciate the beauty around me. It’s my respite and shelter from the storm of my normally tumultuous mind.

 In addition to helping me calm my mind and commune with God, running is a huge stress relief. I continued to run and train as I worked towards my master’s degree. It was something that was fun and joyful and helped me deal with the stress and demands of challenging schoolwork.

 Now I’m in a new season of life with a new challenge that is redefining my relationship with running. I’m exercising my faith in the unknown in a way I never really have before. I’m doing everything I can to “let go and let God”.

 I’ve been unable to get pregnant. A lot of that has to do with my recent diagnosis of adrenal fatigue. The way to recover from adrenal fatigue is basically major rest. I’m going to take a break from running and see if I can get my health in order. I have faith that everything will work out. I’m at peace with the idea of not running; I’m not addicted to running – it doesn’t define me as a person. It is a hobby, a wonderful hobby that I love, but I know that it will still be there for me when I’m ready to get back to it.

 And I know running isn’t my only connection to God. Julia Cameron writes in her book Faith and Will: Weathering the Storms in our Spiritual Lives:

 “There is no fact, no detail of our life too sordid for God’s intervention. God has seen murder. God has seen rape. God has seen drug addiction’s and alcoholism’s utter degradation. God is available to us no matter what our circumstances. God can find us in a crack house. God can find us crumpled in a doorway or cowering on a park bench. We need only reach out to discover that God reaches back. We are led a step at a time even when we feel we are alone. Sometimes God talks to us through people. Sometimes God reaches us through circumstances or coincidence. God has a million ways to reach out to us, and when we are open to it, we begin to sense the touch of God coming to us from all directions.”

 I have faith that I will continue to see God’s will for my life even when I’m not running, but between you and me, I have faith that His will for me includes many happy running miles!

XoXo~ Julie

BIO: Julie is a 28-year-old living in Northern Utah with her husband Jeff and cat Charlie. She is an adjunct professor in the Communication Department at Weber State University. Julie was born and raised in Sacramento, California, where her parents met at a running clinic her dad was putting on – running is in her blood! Julie has deeply held belief systems about pizza as the best food ever and birthdays being celebrated all month long. Julie loves creativity; she plays the piano, crochets and has recently taken up sewing. If you’d like to connect with Julie you can follow her on Instagram @juliehurd and subscribe to the blog she writes with her husband www.runningwiththehurd.com or send her an email at hurdrunning@gmail.com. She loves to connect with other runners and people in general!